ravy and arty: Gothic Academy
by Mydnyght Owl
Summary: when Artemis loses an on line chess game, he gos to New York to find the girl that beat him. He finds raven, who owns the academy, but what happens when he attends the school?
1. Gothic Academy

Authors note: I've, um… never _actually_ written one of these before, so please, if it's horrible, don't be too cruel with the reviews.

Summery: Artemis Fowl the Second, begins an on line chess game and is shocked to find he loses! Dun dun dunnnnnn! He and Butler track the culprit down to a rich, immortal, sarcastic, and evil goth girl, at the Gothic academy more or less miles under New York. The infamous Raven Black! When Raven offers to let him stay there, he has no idea what exactly he's getting in to.

**The Cronicles of Ravy'n' Arty:**

Artemis Fowl 11, every ones personal favorite criminal mastermind, was sitting in his room, on his laptop, was about to play a sure thing victory game of chess against some teenage girl apparently named Raven. While at the same time IMing her.

(you should be able to figure out who's IM name is who's)

**GOLD BOY656: **Are you ready to play?

Back at Gothic academy, Raven leans back in her chair and laughs.

**Dark Angel 666: Sure this will be too easy.**

**GOLD BOY656**: this will be Quick.

And it was.

10 minutes later:

'I LOST?' cried an enraged Arty.

Artemis figured he should ask in a nice and polite way how she beat him.

**GOLD BOY656: **HOW THE F!$&$# H#$# DID YOU BEAT ME?

He's trying!

Raven smirked as he answered, It had been simple to beat him, she had heer queen in one corner,and his kingt was in the exact opposite corner with nothng in the middle of them, she smirked again and typed her response.

**Dark Angel 666**: I'm smarter.

**Gold boy656**: you B$&

**Dark Angel 666**: I'm not here right now, I'm either riding shadow, my horse, or torturing celebrities down in the dungeons, if you're **GOLD BOY656, **if you want to contact me come to gothic academy, in underground new york, figure out the rest yourself.

Well, as you can expect, Artemis and Butler trace the e-mail to an old building out side New York City.

The building was huge. It had to be 10 stories high, and had a tower at the top. There was a gate with which Butler and Artemis were standing in front of, and the walls surrounding it were covered in graffity. A lot of it saying **RED SOX SUCK!**

Artemis looked and saw an intercom in the wall on the right side of the gate.

He rang it.

**INSIDE GOTHIC ACADEMY**

Raven and her 72million old friend, Bob Chickenfeather were sitting, waiting for Artemis to arrive.

"Are you sure he's coming?" asked Bob.

"Yes, Bob, he's coming, for the 86th time in the last 2 and a half minutes we've been waiting for him to ring the intercom."

Raven looked at the video camera to outside and saw on the screen a black limo pull up to the gate.

"Yep. He's here. And surprise, surprise, he brought Butler." Raven hadn't been in what you would call a happy smiley mood. Bob hadn't shut up about his stupid chickens.

"Good. Can I leave? My chickens need me! What if one of them has gotten into a fight and is bleeding uncontrollably, and then get's struck by lightning?" Raven rolled her eyes.

Finally, she said: "Bob, I can guarantee your injured chicken won't be struck by lightning. OK?"

Mind you, Bobs not one of the cough, cough, _brightest_ people in the world. Immortality can't change your IQ.

"Oh, yeah? How do _you _know?" asked Bob. Go figure.

"Because we're inside."

Just then the inter com came on. Raven, desperate to get out of this conversation, lunged for the speaker.

"Hello? Is a Raven Black there?" asked Artemis.

"Yescomeoninwe'vebeenwaitingjustputmeoutofmymisery!" said Raven as quickly as she could.

Artemis turned to Butler. "I…. guess that more or less means, come on in."

And they walked inside….

**Authors Note: **It's just the beginning! It gets better I swear! Plz Review. Or, my IM name is **Waffels17**. Don't ask.


	2. Battles And Chickens

**RAVY AND ARTY  
**

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl, or the Surely comment, I got _that_ from the movie **AIRPLANE!**

To, **Friendofcrown: **Sorry about the review thing. I didn't know, and I'll try to fix that. And your words realy mean a lot to me. Yes, Bobs going to be here pretty often. THANK YOU!

Authors Note: Still nothing.

Chapter 2: **Battles and Confusion**

Artemis entered the academy along side Butler. They were in a big room with photographs and paintings from the medieval times to the present. And were there weren't pictures, there were doors. Trapdoors, double doors, you get the jest. In the middle of the room was a 6.5 foot 19 year old girl.

Raven Black.

But also there was a gothic boy, black hair, pale, and a black shirt with a picture of a chicken on it, also standing next to particularly stupid chicken.

Also a kid about 2 and a half feet tall, leaning on a small sithfe. A boy that looked Korean, another boy, same age, but was from Vietnam (I don't know how to spell, but wasn't there a war or something there?) and another girl about 14 wearing a blue out fit with green hemming, complete with a blue cloak.

"About time!" shouted Raven. She looked aggravated and Artemis could clearly tell she was gripping the helm of a long sword.

Lucky for Artemis, she was in a great mood.

"this," she pointed at the one chicken boy. "is Bob Chickenfeather."

But Bob was no longer listening. The chicken ran into the wall.

The chicken bounced off the wall and kept running.

And wouldn't you know it? So did Bob.

Artemis and Butler were watching Bob and the chicken run through doors and coming out trap doors, wearing looks a pawn their faces that would clearly say to every one in the academy that they were defiantly _not _local.

Raven groaned. Although this was pretty normal for them, this wasn't her idea of a first impression.

For those of you who have seen the movie **A Series of Unfortunate Events, **you may remember Lemony Snicket saying first impressions were usually entirely wrong, but the orphans were right about what their first thought of Count Olaf was.

Same scenario.

Raven looked at the 2 other boys about her age.

"This," she pointed at the Vietnam boy. " Is Neko." She turned to the Korean boy, who was currently loading a Magnum. " This, is Nekoli."

Nekoli looked up for a second, then went back to his Magnum which he was now cleaning. Raven just sighed and motioned her hand to were the short kid stood a second ago.

"The midget here is- Hey! Where's Bean?" Raven and every one, including Artemis and Butler, looked around.

Eventually Raven just shrugged and said, "anyway, you saw him. He's the shortest person here, and he's around 20. Technically."

She looked at the girl in blue and green with hair that spiked slightly in the back.

"This is Fell Dragon-"

"-Call me Fell."

"-You get the picture. She owns all the Fell beasts. Well, she doesn't realy care a bout the trolls, but every thing else-"

Just then, a girl with brown hair slightly tanned wit a shirt that on the back said **EVIL 1, **came running in, soon followed by another girl that was even more tan, that had a shirt that said: People say I have ADD, they just don't understand. Hey, look! A chicken!

Raven slowly turned around with a glare that said if looks could kill, you'd be writing your will.

"WHAT IS IT?" Raven really wanted to make it so that Artemis would want to stay there.

Oh well.

"Well, uh, Bean some how managed to get himself locked in the chicken coop. And he's scarred of chickens. And we can't get him out. And he's got a gun."

"_Surely_, you can't be serious?"

"She is" said the second girl.

"And Raven, please don't call me surely."

Bob who had just caught the stupid chicken suddenly dropped it and ran out of the room screaming, "MY CHICKENS!"

Raven rolled her eyes (again) and looked at her guests.

"I know this may seem slightly random, but I've been teaching here for 72million years now. I read all about you. Literally. I was hoping you would like to attend my school. If," she looked at Butler. "It's okay with Butler over there."

Butler thought for a moment looked at Artemis and could completely tell what he was thinking. He turned to Raven an asked,

"Well…what do you teach?"

"Everything. History, you can go back in time, math, sorcery, not an easy subject and you don't have to take it. Physical-"

Artemis stopped her right there. "Alright, I believe you for the most part, and this does seem like an _okay _place to be, "(he was still sore about the chess thing) " but, I will defiantly attend if you can beat Butler, in a fist fight.

Raven raised an eyebrow.

Then she agreed.

Butler versus a 19 year old girl who ran an academy. No contest.

Butler brought Artemis's stuff over to the academy a day later still holding an ice pack to his head.

"Sir, are you sure about this?" he asked. He was taking the stuff out of the car with the to brown haired tan girls (Evil Eva which was one girls nickname, who got ticked off when ever some one called her Surely, and Rose White.) They both clearly had short attention spans. He couldn't _believe _he lost.

Artemis scoffed. "No. But then again she is _apparently _some what intelligent."

Rose looked at him and said: "You're just being a sore loser. Everyone say's you're a bad sport."

"Say's who?"

"The people you have chess tournaments with."

"What? _Those _Losers?"

**Authors Note: **So, what do you think? Sorry, but I'm going on vacation so I cant update until I get back. It'll be about 2 weeks. But I'll update as soon as I can!


	3. Aaaaahhhh!

Authors Note: I'm sorry for not updating. Vacation, you know?

Disclaimer: Ugh…..

Well, on with the fic!

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY:**

**Laughs and Old Friends.**

Artemis (as usual) was arguing with Raven.

"Why on _earth _do **I** have to share a dorm!" cried a typically enraged Artemis.

Raven groaned. She had a very simple and fair explanation.

"Because, as I have been telling you for the last 6 and a half minutes I, well, 'I' being me and everyone else here, are way too lazy to build you another room."

Why is that so hard to comprehend?

"…Or clean out one of the other 28 rooms that hadn't been used in a century."

"Took you long enough. Geez and you're supposed to be a genius. You seemed so much smarter in the books."

Artemis, being the young criminal genius that he is, knew quite well that he had been slightly more that _mentioned_ on websites. But _books?_

Raven gave a small smirk. She managed to get off the subject of rooms and dorms.

"Books? I'm sure there aren't any books about me, well…at least not me personally."

Raven made a hand gesture for Artemis to follow her.

Raven lead Arty down the halls and up the stairs, and then down the elevators, and back up escalators (which really doesn't make any sense at all) until finally after about 3 minutes they made it to a library bigger than the one in New York City.

"Wow. This place is enormous. It must have cost you a fortune. By the way, how did you get so rich? Inheritance? Thievery? What?"

Raven smiled. This was one of Ravens favorite topics.

"Not so much of that as betting. Thievery too but, well, you know how I can see the future from time to time? Well, I bet against nearly everyone whose rich and bets about things that seem incredibly unlikely, and win. There's a sucker born every minute."

Now, Artemis was looking in a section labeled Fairies in Gnomish. So, Raven knew Gnomish. Artemis was feeling less intelligent by the minute here. And he'd been here 26 minutes!

The point is, Artemis was looking threw the section and found a small, gold book. The fairy Bible!

"How did you…" he faltered. He saw next to where he found the Booke (that's how it's spelled in the books!) a small series of 4 books. All of which had the label Artemis fowl.

"What are these!" asked an astonished Artemis. Raven was currently flipping through a book called '1003 Medieval Torture Devices'.

"They're the Artemis Fowl series."

The 1st book said Artemis Fowl on it. Arty flipped through it and felt amazed and some how extremely disoriented by how accurate the book was. Down to the thought Artemis was thinking at that exact moment.

He paused and smiled when he read one of the conversations that was going on between Foaly and Root (Roots still alive in this fic, but he might not actually turn up till the sequel, WHICH THERE WILL BE!).

Suddenly the book was snatched out of hands by Bob Chickenfeather who had gone to his chicken coup to do nothing of any particular importance till this precise moment.

He read aloud: _…and possibly Vinyaya, she's always had a thing for me, devilishly attractive as I am._

Artemis, and a few random other people who had just entered the room, started laughing hysterically. It's a very funny line!

"What's so funny?" asked a familiar voice from his computer.

Artemis stopped laughing and every one went silent as the grave. He opened his laptop and found on the screen, Foaly, Holly, and unfortunately for Artemis, Commander Julius Root.

"What are you laughing at? And why have you gone so quiet?" asked Root, who was currently turning quite a lovely shade of magenta.

"Yeah," said Holly, who was looking rather confused. "I don't think I have ever- no, I have _never _heard you laugh before."

"Yeah" said Foaly. "What is it?"

"Oh, a nothing. You had to of been there." Artemis Laughed nervously. Never a good sign.

"Really?" said Evil who can't keep her mouth shut. "I thought they were there."

Artemis glared at her.

"Huh? Were where? Who's that? Speak up Mud-Boy, what's so funny." Now Root's turning a vibrant deep shade of rouge red.

Then Raven moved into the picture so the Fairies down in Haven could see her.

"You might not find it funny, commander. But might I say you are turning a very nice shade of red."

Foaly and Holly had to cover their mouths to keep from laughing.

"Oh, great, _you_ again." Commander Root pulled out one of his fungus cigars while turning now lobster red. "What do you want?'

"Me?" said Raven her smile growing by the second. "One: I believed you called Artemis. I was merely here at the time. Two. You know, smoking cuts your life in half. Three. We were laughing at this passage in this book here. Care to read it?"

Raven held the open book up to the screen. Holly and Foaly fell over laughing while Root turned a fire engine red. Has any one else noticed how many different shades of red there are?

"Anyways…"said Artemis desperate to change the subject." Why is it you called?"

Foaly, who had managed to stop laughing and speak said, "Well theirs been rumors of schools such as this, are competing in the annual "**World Destruction Tour.**"

Authors not: It's kind of the beginning of a new plot here. Please review. Or I will not know what you guys like.

**FriendofCrown:** So, you like Bob? Doesn't everyone. Sorry that he wasn't here much, but he will be next chapter. And in here Arty isn't all that smart. Thanks for reviewing!

**Indentitycrisis: **You remind me of Eva! She really exists, so I decided to her in here! Along with a few other people. Good friend. Anyways, thanks for the kind words. Your cool. And I understand the forgetful thing. I, myself have ADD. So don't worry about that!

**K:** Okay, I can't tell if this is constructive criticism or if you are being sarcastic on the last part about being good at description. And this may come as a shock to you but this isn't Eoin Colfer writing the next book in the series, this is a 7th grade kid who's writing in the same format as every one else on the website. So, until I here you have a story up, don't dis me! It makes me sad!

**Fell Dragon: **HI FELL! I'm not surprised you liked it, you're in it! Well, not in this chapter but the next! Heard your stories coming along great!


	4. Hi!

Authors Note: Hello! I am back!

Disclaimer: I do not own the name world destruction tour; I got it from Tony Hawk Underground 2.

On with the story!

**THE WORLD DESTRUCTION TOUR**

Their was a long, awkward pause.

"The world destruction Tour?" asked Artemis.

Foaly nodded.

"Seriously?"

Foaly nodded again.

"Never heard of it."

Commander Root smiled at this.

"Well, Mud-Boy, I wouldn't expect you to of heard of it. It's a Tournament that goes between schools for magic, dark arts possibly, and strength." He smiled. "The rumors said you were in the competition this year."

"…But," continued Foaly. "You don't go to a school like that. We were just calling to ask."

Holly looked at Artemis inquiringly. "But then… why are you at Gothic University?"

Artemis looked around the room at his new classmates and teachers. Then looked at Holly and gave an innocent shrug.

Holly, Root, and Foaly all groaned.

Artemis sighed. "I just got accepted."

They all groaned again until Holly asked: "So are you competing?"

Artemis laughed. He just got here! He wouldn't be entering a competition for Gods sake!

"Well…**DUH!**" said everyone making Artemis jump.

"Huh? But-but- I just got here!"

Suddenly Rose, and 2 other girls came in all with boxes of **Dunkin' Donuts**, and their coffee.

"Got the donuts!" cried Rose. While the person next to her, who had dark brown hair, and was wearing all patriotic stuff a fag on the shirt, blue jeans with red and white flags on it, the works, was passing out donuts along with another girl with red hair.

Raven, after taking a bite out of her jelly donut spoke up and said "We _knew _you were coming for a year now. You **ARE **competing."

She paused.

"…Or else."

Artemis gulped. "Or else what?"

"Exactly."

"So…" began Artemis now feeling nervous. "When is it? And who are we competing against?"

"Well… since we like to compete against people from other books, umm…. Hogwarts. (This is not going to be one of those thing's were Artemis goes to Hogwarts, keep reading!)

"…Their contestants are Harry Potter, DUH! Draco Malfoy, which gives us an advantage, those two will worry more about killing each other, Racheal Dugan, Chelsea Grinard (They aren't in the HP books, I just felt like adding them.), Hermionie Granger, Blaise Zimbonie, and uh… and a teacher, who is Remus Lupin. Now, _that _should be interesting."

Foaly, typical sarcastic Foaly, thought it might be fun to say: "Well Ravy, you being the all powerful master of strength and intellect should know better than to pick Artemis for something like this. Who else you got? Don't tell me _you_ are going to be the teacher that's competing, are you?"

Raven Knew he was going to say something like that, and being the all powerful master of strength and intellect, as Foaly so kindly put it, already had a comeback for it.

"Why, Foalonous," Foaly paled and his eyes widened, Holly and Root gaped at him. "I have a perfectly good reason for picking Artemis, and I'm sorry to say, well, actually, no I'm not, I'm down right proud to say, your still sore because I won that bet 276 years back. And, um… Yes, I will be competing this year, along with Artemis, Bob, Bean, Evil, Rose, and Fell. So, when my school wins, be ready to face a Hell. Lot. Of gloating."

Root looked at Foaly, who was currently horrorstruck. "And you made fun of **MY** name? 'Julius' isn't half as bad as 'Foalonous'! What kind of name is that anyway!"

Raven closed the Laptop lid. She looked over at the other contestants and said "You ready to play?"

**One week later, June 3rd**

**The suburbs outside New York City**

**8:06 a.m**

The Gothic U students were meeting up with the Hogwarts students, who were now having a glaring contest.

To break the silence, Dumbledore (who will hardly EVER appear in this fic) said: "Students and teachers, may this be a friendly tournament, in this game you are going to across to different places in the world, and since we are in muggle populated areas, I would advise you not to use magic, but that is not quite a rule. You will find clues, and other challenges, this tournament WILL begin with a clue. But first there is one rule."

The teenagers looked at each other.

"…You must stay together. Stay together. You must stay together."

There were murmurs of "OK" and "Alright"

Then Dumbledore continued.

"I am now going to read the clue, but before I read the clue, there is one rule, you must stay together. Stay together. Stay together. Tasty, tasty. You must stay together. That is not part of the clue. I am now going to read the clue. But before I read the clue, there is one rule. You must stay together. Stay together. Stay together. You must stay-"

"**ALRIGHT ALREADY! WE GET IT!"**

"-I am now going to read the clue. The clue reads:

_Time creates the past_

_Rivals and enemies,_

_Pitch a ride around_

_And around the town_

_To find the jewel_

_But run home _

_Before times _

_Half up._

There was a silence. Then Dumbledore said: "Work out the clue, and don't forget! **STAY TOGETHER."**

And he left.

The Gothic U students turned to each other. They started walking down the street away from the other students.

"Okay…" said Fell. " I think that clue may have been hinting that Dumbledore's suffering from Alzheimer's. But as for the rest of the clue…"

Artemis thought. "Time… rivals…. Ride…. Town…. Dark? I didn't understand a word of that."

Suddenly they noticed Raven, Fell, Evil, Bob, and Bean going into a hat shop.

"Hey! Wait up! Where are you going!" cried Artemis. He and Rose chased after them.

"We must stay together! Stay together! Tasty, tasty!" shouted Rose as the 2 entered the shop.

The others were looking at Yankee hats.

"What are you _doing?_" asked Artemis.

"Looking at Yankee hats, what else?" said Raven not even glancing up at him.

"But we are supposed to be thinking about the clue!"

"We are thinking about the clue. We're multi tasking. Well…" said Fell glancing at Bob. "Bob isn't. But we decided we're not going to hold his IQ against him."

Bob was looking at a hat that read: **I LOVE CHICKENS**

"Big surprise," muttered Artemis.

Bob turned to Artemis.

"You got a problem with chickens?" he asked.

"What? No! No, it's just uh…."

But no one was listening their heads had turned to the TV. A Yankees game was going on.

"….And the Yankees pitched another home run!" cried the narrator of the game.

A thought sprung in Artemis's Head.

He was staring at the Yankee hat in Evil's hand.

"Give me that!" he cried.

"What? What, you got some thing against Yankees too?"

"No! Let me see that!"

He grabbed it out of Evil's hand and stared at the hat.

"Time creates past… time…. rivals… and something about a jewel. Jewels are rubies, sapphires, diamonds…. DIAMOND! Times half up, Half-Time! Rivals are people who have the same goal as you, like to win a battle, or a game! And past time! America's past time is Baseball! We're in New York, sooo……"

Everyone looked at each other.

"**YANKEE STADIUM!"**

Authors Note: So that's the chapter! Coming up next, Yankee Stadium! You know what's funny about this fic? I'm a Red Sox fan. Yankees suck. But I like NY, so what chose do I have? Well, please review more than you did last time.


	5. la la la la

Disclaimer: **Raven: Mydnyght, or Rose the character she plays, thought I should do the disclaimer. Rose owns nothing. It all belongs to me. Me! ME! Thank you for your time.**

Authors Note: Thank you all my awesome reviewers! You are the best! Now, on with the chapter!

**Some Random Place in New York**

**I don't know my way around.**

On the way to Yankee Stadium, the Goths noticed the Hogwarts students were asking two other girls something.

Raven yanked Artemis and the other students behind the dumpsters of an ally way to eavesdrop.

"What are they saying?" whispered Artemis.

"Shhhhh!" muttered Neko.

"….And we were wondering since you live in New York City, we er…. Wanted to er…. Ask what this riddle might mean."

"Can you here them?" he asked again.

"Not if you don't stop talking, so put a sock in it!" Came the reply of Fell.

One girl, about 5 foot 2 with dark red hair, and a red scarf around her neck, said in a country accent responded "Well sure! But we sure as Hell ain't gonna tell you! Right Hannah? Hannah?"

But the girl named Hannah, a tall girl, with long dark almost black straight hair wearing a bandanna, and had a tan, was staring at Professor Remus J. Lupin, with wide eyes.

"Hannah…."

"But it's Lupin!"

"But what about your sisters Raven and Fell! These are the enemies!"

"The answer to the clue is-"

But before she had the chance to say anything else, she was tackled to the ground by Raven, and….surprisingly Artemis.

If you have seen a friend of yours, do something that seems entirely unlike them, or like a shy quiet girl who's name is Becca, and never corrects people when they call her 'Beccie', and all of a sudden when the kid sitting next to her in class asks, 'Hey Beccie, can I barrow a pencil?' and she yells: '**IT'S BECCA!**',

…..then you may already know how the Goths were feeling when Artemis tackled Hannah.

There was a silence.

And then-

"Thanks Yo!"

Artemis turned to look at the red neck girl, and the Gothic's all of which were nodding at him improvingly.

"Me? Raven tackled her as well."

"Yeah, well, it's good to see you finally catching on to the way we play the game of life."

Said Raven

Artemis smiled to himself. Maybe he _was _getting the hang of this business.

"Well, sorry about that Ravy. And you to Fell. It's just….That was Remus Lupin!"

Both the teenage girls sighed.

"It's alright."

"We get it," said Fell

"Well…" said the redneck girl. "It really is cool to finally meet the infamous Raven Black, Fell Black, and….."

She looked over at Bob, or more or less tried to.

He was currently running around a **STOP **sign trying to catch his idiotic chicken.

"…..And you must be Bob Chicken feather."

"**BACON!**" cried Bob.

"Well sarray. I just thought because of that chicken you's got Thayer."

"No. 'Bacon' is the name of his chicken."

The redneck looked around wildly.

"Who said that!" She asked, pulling out a rifle.

Artemis sighed, and then pointed downwards at Bean.

"Oh," she said, putting away the hunting weapon. "By the way, names Rain."

Rose answered. "Nice to meet you Rain, but we gotta go."

"I understand. Same here. Me and Hannah here have a Yankees game to catch!"

Suddenly the Hogwarts students and Lupin, who had been currently arguing about nothing in particular, all looked at each other and gasped.

"**YANKEE STADIUM!"**

And then both schools went off running.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$

**Yankee Stadium**

**New York City**

**11:58 am**

The Gothic's got to Yankee Stadium as fast as they could. Which really wasn't all that fast because….

…..Because the cab they took had an old man driving at 3 miles per hour, and had a heart attack when Bob's chicken attacked him, and then Rose and Evil wouldn't stop poking him so Bean threw him out of the window, so Raven started driving and accidentally ran the taxi through a red light and the car spontaneously combusted when it collided with a red ford focus and some State Troopers car, so the fire department showed up, and they all had to run for their lives the other 8 miles to get to there destination…..

….Pants…..

….But that's important right now because for some reason it took about 3 hours longer for the other school to get there.

So anyways, when they got their, the place was empty, except for Hannah and Rain, who seemed really ticked off.

Raven and the gang walked up to where they were sitting on the top row.

"Well… I don't see the next clue. Or those wanna be 'Lord of the Rings' best selling book characters. What's up with you?" asked Fell.

Artemis was looking around. For something, _anything,_ that might just be a sign.

Hannah looked up with her arms crossed. She looked as if she might kill someone.

"We were 6 hour's late for the Yankees game."

Neko looked over. "Really, how come?"

"Well, it wasn't your fault. We would have been late anyways, but we were riding my truck next to Hummer H2, and behind a Red Ford Focus and a State Trooper, when some moron driving a cab ran through a red light into the cars in front of us and they hit us, and then the fire department blocked the road 'cause the cab spontaneously combusted, and then the police showed up to catch the driver who started the mess."

Raven looked at her with a bewildered look upon her face.

"Really? That's why we were late."

"Small world."

Artemis noticed Neko polishing his pistil, and suddenly was reminded of Butler. What was he doing right now?

Just like magic, Artemis saw a giant figure walk out onto the field.

"Butler!"

Butler looked up at the stands were they were all sitting, and then walked up to them.

"Artemis! I didn't expect to see you here!"

Artemis smiled at his old friend.

"Well, I didn't expect to see you here either, and not to be rude, but why are you here?"

"I was going to see a Yankees game."

Evil looked up at him.

"It ended hour's ago."

Butler sighed and shrugged.

"Well, I was driving a Hummer H2 next to a truck, and I was behind a Red Ford Focus and a State Trooper, well any ways a Taxi driver drove straight through a red light and ran into the Ford Focus which then collided with the State Troopers car, which banged into my car. Then, the taxi burst into flames so the fire department showed up, and then the police came to try and find the driver who started the mess."

Butler smiled amusingly at Artemis.

"Funny how these things happen even when you're not around."

"Well it just goes to show you."

Then Artemis thought of the clue.

"….Butler, we're looking for a sign, one that might show us where to go next."

Butler looked around. Then pointed at the screen used to show what's going on in the game, pictures of the crowd, and some advertisements for the sponsors of the games.

"You mean like that?"

The sign read:

**GO TO**

**_Dylan's Candy Shop_**

_**The Best Candy Shop**_

_**In New York**_

Artemis slapped him self on the head.

"How did I miss _that?_"

"Welp, I don't know what the clue mans exactly, but I think we should head to _Dylan's Candy Shop_," said Rose.

She looked over at Rain and Hannah.

"You coming?"

"Nah." Said Rain.

"We'll catch up with you guys later. I want to see the look on those students faces when they hear you've already been here…and I'm going to beg Remus for an autograph."

"K. Later."

"Butler, you want to tag along?" asked Bean

He shook his head. Geez, and he thought _Mulch_ was small.

" I'm going to see if I can catch the game in Boston. But I'll see you around."

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**Yankee Stadium**

**6:37 am**

Rain was currently shooting any birds that flew over the stadium, while Hannah was playing '_The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King' _on her gameboy SP, when Hogwarts finally arrived.

Hannah paused her game, and looked up.

"Hey losers! The Goth's have already been here! And Remus, can I have an autograph?"

They all looked as if they had fallen off the Empire State Building.

"Well… we WOULD have been here sooner if a certain MUDBLOOD here hadn't decided we had to take the 'Muggle way'."

"What happened?"

"Well, it wasn't _my _fault, but we were driving a Red Ford Focus that we rented and were driving next to a State Trooper with a Truck and a Hummer H2 behind us, when a cab drove through a red light and hit us so we swung into the State Trooper and we hit the cars behind us, and _then_ the car burst into flames! So the Firemen came, and we couldn't go anywhere, and then the police arrived to find the original culprit," Hermionie told them.

Hannah looked at Rain.

"Funny how these things happen."

"Yep."

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**Fell Dragon: **So I spelt 'Note' wrong, **_who cares?_**

**Identitycrisis:** You are so cool. I'm trying to update as fast as I can, so I'm happy some one appreciates me. Eva and Evil is the same person. It's what everyone calls her, fiction and reality. Once they hit the candy store, they will have a task. I don't know what it will be yet though. I probably should have wrote this ahead of time. By the way, RED SOX or Yankees?

**Fell Dragon yet again:** I'll think about the Fell thing.

**Xx:** I probably should have looked it up.

**Friendofcrown: **You didn't review! Come back to me! I didn't mean what I said!

**THANK YOU REVIEWERS!**


	6. Dylans Candy BAR!

Authors Note: I owe all my hard work to my reviewers. Hey, did you know that when I log in, I can find out _exactly_ how many people read my fic? We got a few slackers here.

Disclaimer: **Artemis Fowl: **Welcome to chapter 6, and I am sorry to say Rose, or Mydnyght, who are the same person, own nothing.

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**Chapter 6**

**Dylan's Candy Bar**

All the Gothic's decided to take a bus to the candy store. They all seemed pretty content when they got there….

…..Except for Bob.

"Bacon? Bacon?"

Since all the clucking was driving the poor Goth's to insanity, they thought it might be a good idea, that when Bob fell asleep on the bus, that they pull the emergency stop right outside of a stuffed animal shop, and replace the live chicken that wouldn't shut up with a stuffed one. That was silent. So it wouldn't bother them.

It was Artemis who came up with this brilliant idea, but when he came up with it, and Fell, Raven, Bean, Neko, Evil, and Rose all agreed to it, they forgot about one little thing.

Bob.

"Bacon! Bacon?" cried Bob shaking the chicken.

"Bacon's uh, um, sleeping!" said Artemis. "_Right guys?"_

Raven looked up from her Peoples magazine.

Neko looked up from the gun he was cleaning.

Rose and Eva, I mean Evil, stopped watching '**Who's Line is it Anyways?**' on their portable TV.

Bean stopped polishing his sithfe.

Fell stopped sharpening her knives.

"Huh?"

Artemis groaned. If he ever were to hear that chicken cluck one more time, he'd _personally_ make sure that chicken were to never see the light of day again.

"I said, _Bob's 'chicken', Bacon, is only sleeping, and is perfectly healthy and is not at the butcher shop that was right next to the Stuffed Animal shop we passed._"

Bob blinked. Then he looked over at his fellow Gothic's that, would _never _betray him in anyway what so ever.

There was a long pause.

And then-

"Well, of course he's sleeping! We would never do something such as replace Bacon with a fake chicken, and send the real one to a butcher shop." Raven laughed nervously.

"Yeah, uh…. he's asleep of course. That entire infuriating, mind numbing clucking must have worn him out." Bean glared angrily as if the chicken was still there, clucking mercilessly.

"It was Artemis's idea."

"He's just taking a very, _very,_ long nap." Rose looked over.

"Nothing to get your self arrested for animal cruelty about." Fell went back to her shiny knives.

Bob stared at them. Then smiled.

"You guy's are the best."

Every one gave another nervous laugh.

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**Dylan's Candy Bar**

**New York City**

**9:57 pm**

When they arrived they were surprised to find Hannah and Rain were already there.

"Remus gave me an autograph!"

"Yo, what's up?"

_This girl really needs to work on her grammar,_ thought Artemis.

"Why, hello Hannah, Rain. You wouldn't happen to have seen a…."

He trailed off.

He looked around eyes wide in amazement. They all did.

The candy shop they were in, what they thought was to be a little corner store, was a huge room filled with towers and towers of candy.

The shelves had to be at least 20 feet high! And there were a _lot _of shelves. There was a spiral staircase to go to the second, of 78 floors worth of candy.

And everyone, even Artemis, who wasn't much of a desserts person, grabbed a bucket and started loading them with candy.

By the time they were done picking out the candy, and their buckets were filled, they had:

**3Musketeers, Sour Gummy Worms, Skittles, Taste the Rainbow, M'n'Ms, millions of types of gum, including Spearmint and DoubleBubble, York Mint Patties, Jelly Beans, Nuttie Bars, Hershey Bars, Jr. Mints, Tootsie Rolls, Tootsie Pops, Dumdums, Butterthingers, Milkyways, Almond Joys, Reeses Peanut butter Cups, Reeses Pieces, Kit Kats (Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat-Bar), Baby Bottle Pops, PushPops, ect. And don't even get me started on the store brand stuff.**

When they got up to the counter to pay, there was a man standing there.

"Hello, I am Dylan. The owner of New York's most prized candy store," he said proudly.

Fell was not the person to care.

"Uh, huh. Well, can we please just pay?" she asked.

"You must be the Gothic University students."

"_Really?_ Gasp! No way!"

"You have made it here before the Hogwarts students. Well done.

"LOOK! Sir, unless for the rest of your life you want to be breathing through a whole in your neck, I suggest you get to the point or sell us the Damn candy!"

The man suddenly looked nervous. He gulped, straitened out his tie and said: "Alright then. The candy is free if you can complete this task."

There was a pause.

There sure does seem to be quite a lot of pauses in this story.

"Okay…. So what IS the task?" asked Artemis.

Then Bob asked, "Does it have any thing to do with chickens?"

Dylan starred at him.

"Erm… no. The task is to find out where lightning strikes on an average of at least 4 times a year."

Rose groaned, "Not another riddle!"

"….And get there."

They looked at each other.

Then Artemis said, "Lightning never strikes the same place twice, on an average of 4 times a year? That's not possible."

"Actually…." said Hannah. "I studied lightning before. Kill's more people than earthquakes and volcanoes. All though they do _say _lightning never strikes the same place twice, in fact, on an average of 4 times a year, the very point of the Empire State Building is struck by lightning."

Dylan nodded. "But how do you plan on getting there?" Now, he was smirking.

"I think," said Rose, pulling out her cell phone. "It's time we call up a friend."

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**John F. Kennedy Airport**

**Outside New York City**

Daisy Green, was 12 years old, had dark red hair, and was either smiling, or looking bewildered, or confused. Though, actually, she was confused 98.5 of the time. But with Daisy, she never seems to care.

Daisy somehow, being a minor, and having an IQ of about **6,** somehow Daisy had the ability to use a plane at this particular airport at any time.

She liked to fly around in circles.

So, currently, that was exactly what she was doing.

"**WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"**

The Gothic's looked up to where she was flying. They had to move their heads extremely quickly around in circles to be able to see her.

"**HEY DAISY!"** shouted Rose up to her. **"CAN WE BARROW AN AIRPLANE!"**

Daisy looked down at where her best friend Rose was waving.

"**HI ROSE!"**

She landed the plane.

Or crashed it, which ever.

She emerged from the wreckage covered in soot, but other than that, completely unharmed.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Rose, Raven, Fell Dragon, Bean, Bob Chickenfeather, a stuffed chicken, and Artemis Fowl."

In case you already forgot their names.

Daisy, of course, let them barrow a plane. She went to the Empire to watch.

Raven who was flying the plane, with Fell, and a very terrified looking Artemis.

Raven flew the plane upside down and around in circles. Artemis thought he might throw up.

At the very tip of the building, was a small blue envelope.

Raven swooped in toward it. Artemis only just managed to grab it.

They landed (crashed) the plane. Some people walked over to them and asked: Well?

Artemis showed them the gift cards to the candy bar, and also, 7 tickets to Nanjing China.

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	7. China

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**Disclaimer:** **Bob Chickenfeather: **I'm Bob, I love chickens, and Rose owns nothing.

**CHICKENS ROCK!**

I'm Rose, and I approve this message.

Authors Note to **ALL READERS: I **would like to thank the people who bothered to review. As for everyone else, I am _begging _you guys to review, I will respond, I will e-mail you, what ever it takes to get you guys to review! Just please! My IM name is **waffels17.**

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**John F. Kennedy Airport**

**New York**

**June 4th**

**10:23 am**

Artemis Fowl couldn't have been more surprised when the lady there actually let them on the plane. With all the weapons they had, they should be in prison right now.

But Raven sure had her connections. She had called up a nine year old named Seffire to make their stuff look like video games and other junk.

Artemis was over all impressed. A nine-year-old. Who Knew?

Rain and Hannah decided to by tickets as well. Daisy stayed behind.

"Sorry Guys. But I'm going to fly my plane around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around-"

"It's alright Daisy," said Artemis putting his hands up as a signal for her to stop.

"Twelve."

"Huh?" asked Artemis.

"Twelve. You asked how old I am. Twelve."

Artemis scratched his head. "No I didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"I didn't ask how old you were."

"I was once 8, but now I'm twelve."

"No, I didn't say anything."

"Who are you?"

"Never mind."

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**On the plane to Nanjing China**

Artemis was staring out of the window of the plane, watching the rolling waves of the Indian Ocean hundreds of feet below him. Sitting next to him was Fell, and next to her was Rain. Sitting directly behind him was Rose, who was sitting next to Evil who was sitting next to Neko.

Everyone else was in front of him.

Suddenly 3 people came in to the 1st class area (where else would they be?).

They were all about 3 feet in height. One had a mustache, was wearing a hat that covered most his head, and was slightly over weight, and was arguing with the other person standing next to him who was currently chewing a carrot. He also was wearing a hat that covered his ears.

The last person was of course also wearing a hat, but was female, and had auburn hair that was cropped.

She just rolled her eyes at them.

Artemis starred at them, and then he said, "Holly? Commander Root?"

Rose looked over. "Person we don't know?"

The fairies looked at them.

"Hi Artemis," said Holly. "We came to watch."

"Oh. Thank you. But, um… who's that?" he asked pointing at the one chewing the carrot.

"Oh, him? Well he's our dear technician Foalonious."

Foaly looked at them, very ticked off.

"Will. You. Shut. **UP!**"

Julius looked quite content.

"Well, there was a little lab accident. Foaly was doing some thing apparently 'Top Secret,' and got himself turned into an elf."

Then Holly spoke.

"And since he spends so much time in Operations Booth, we thought it might be good for him to get some fresh air."

Foaly mumbled something about 'Lousy barbaric airplane.'

When they landed they got off the plane and set their watches back 12 hours.

When you figure out what was wrong with that, it won't matter any more.

Artemis showed them the other piece of paper that was in the envelope.

Raven read it aloud.

"Congratulations on making it to Nanjing China. Your next task is to-

"Does it involve a chicken?"

"**NO!**"

Raven looked up sympathetically at her students. Not a common thing for Raven Black.

"Actually…."

Everyone (except Bob) dropped there heads and groaned.

"Raven, you can _not _be serious," said Neko not even bothering to hide his annoyance.

"Hey!" said Raven now getting defensive. "I did not make up this tournament, because if I did, it would involve more guns, swords, and other lethal weapons."

Artemis who had suddenly realized he had been writing S.O.S in the dirt with the heels of his once well polished black custom made loafers, asked, "So what is it?"

Fell starred at him.

"You didn't bother to read it when you got it?"

"No, I was looking through it to find our next destination, and the found the tickets to China and the gift cards to the candy shop-"

"Bar," corrected Hannah.

"-Bar, and I kept the envelope in my pocket for safe keeping, and I didn't give the envelope a second thought until we got here."

Oh, great more dramatic pauses. I really have got to start looking up more ways to entertain my reviewers who _don't always bother to review. _Cough. Cough.

"Okay… so what do you have to do that involves chickens?" asked Holly.

"Play capture the chicken against the other school" Raven starred at the paper. "Oh. My. God."

Just so you know I'm changing the rating to pg13. Some one said Artemis swore, though I don't know where.

Suddenly a Chinese man walked up to them. He gave them a traditional Chinese bow and said, "It is an honor to meet the gothic academy students."

"It's University, _University,_" muttered Raven darkly.

"…I have been awaiting your arrival. The other students should be here in 5 and half hours. Shall I tell you the rules of the game?"

Everyone shrugged. They listened to the rules.

It wasn't _that _bad. Considering they would have to chase a live chicken around a big area divided into 2 sides without getting tagged by one of the opposite players or have them getting there chicken. The Chinese dude said it was an ancient Chinese game.

(I'm making this up as I go along you know that, right?)

So it was Capture the Flag. Sort of.

They waited 5 hours for the Hogwarts students (and Remus) to get there.

And by the looks of it, they were ticked.

Draco Malfoy stalked up toward Fell, thinking she was Raven. Dead mans mistake.

"I don't know what school you're running, but if you beat me, my father-"

Suddenly Fell grabbed Malfoys hand, slowly twisting it, while her left hand grabbed him by his sleek blond hair and hoisted him up against the wall.

Fell didn't like being mistaken for Raven. Raven would have done the same thing.

"Listen you little slick haired weasel, I am not Raven, I'm her sister, Fell, and if I were to beat you, your father will find you in the hospital so bloody and mangled, he wouldn't be able to tell the difference between your intestines and your **IV.**"

And with that, she dropped him to the ground and walked over to her 2 sisters and her friends.

"Well I think you couldn't have handled that situation better," implied Raven.

Evil and Rose all of a sudden shouted at once "**LET'S PLAY CAPTURE THE CHICKEN!**"

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It was all set. Both teams were at their sides. They all waited for the Chinese dude to hit the gong. There was ice cold tension between them. Artemis was beginning to sweat. If he lost…

The gong rung.

Time to play.

It happened all to fast for Artemis. Raven before the game told him to stay on this side, to watch the chicken, and tag (or in her words, incapacitate) anyone who went over to their side. Along with him was Rose and Evil.

The 3 kids stood in front of the red line that separated the sides.

Less than a foot in front of them, stood Blaise, Harry, and Hermionie.

Every time one stepped over the line, Artemis, Evil, and Rose would jump towards them and they would go behind the line once again.

All of a sudden, Rachael and Chelsea (how they got onto the Hogwarts team, Artemis had _no _idea) ran over the pretty red line after the GU's chicken.

Artemis gestured for Rose and Evil to stay where they were, and he ran after the 2.

Artemis chased them around in circles; they were running around in circles because the chicken was running around in circles.

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Holly, Root, and Foaly had been watching from the sidelines, as Artemis chased Rachael and Chelsea who were chasing the chicken around in circles.

Holly looked at Root and Foaly.

"Oh, and we thought _goblins _were stupid."

Foaly starred at her. "Are you talking about the humans or the chicken?"

Holly was about to reply when she glanced at the 3 humans going around in circles.

"You know, I am not entirely sure."

Root lit another cigar. Although he wasn't about to admit it, he liked having Foaly and Holly around.

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Back to Artemis.

Artemis had spent 5 minutes running after the girls. What was harder to catch? Two tired girls or a chicken?

Artemis looked to see how Raven was doing. She almost had the chicken. Unable to take it, Artemis leaped at the girl in front of him (Rachael Dugan) and tackled her to the ground, and as a perfect chain reaction, Chelsea fell over too…

…and the chicken got away just as Raven jumped over the red line with the Hogwarts chicken.

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**Identitycrisis: **You liked it? I am so glad to here that. I don't think this chapter was to good though. So seriously, Red Sox or Yankees? Or something else? I won't get mad.

**Fell Dragon: BAR!**

**El loco uno: **Yes, it is good for a first fic. But as for the grammar and spelling, I suggest you re-read your review. I'll fix how I spell summary. If I can figure out how. Artemis is out of character purposely. I like friendly neighborhood psychos, and criticism and flames are welcome as well.

**Ph33r the island ona: **I don't mean to be rude, but get a name someone can remember.

**#1. **I do use spell check. My computer just sucks.

**#2. I **do use grammar check. My computer just sucks.

**#3. **When did Artemis swear? It's an out of character thing. But now I have to change the rating!

**#4. **Artemis is out, of character. Do I have to tell everyone that? This is in the humor section.

**#5. **I'm trying here!

**#6. **She's _immortal_. Say it with me, _immortal_. She's been 19 for 75 million years!

**#7. **Well, the school can teach the dark arts, but it's not a requirement.

**#8. Dark** I was supposed to edit out from my first draft of the riddle, I just forgot about that. It's just bits and pieces of the fic. Did you _read_ the fic?

**#9. READ THE D'ARVITING FIC!** (And what does OOC stand for? It's my first fic.)


	8. chapter 8, What else?

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**Chapter 8**

**Authors Note: **Helllllooooo readers! How's life?

**Disclaimer: Foaly:** Rose owns nothing! Thank God! Are any of you angry with the way this stories turning out? Hello, she turned me into an elf! And _Foalonious? _That's not my name here people!

**Rose: **It ain't your story so deal.

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Every one on the Hogwarts team was exhausted. Harry and Draco were trying to hex each other while everyone else was having fist fights.

The Gothic Academy students were watching while eating some of their candy from Dylans.

Raven was talking to her sisters, Fell and Hannah.

"….So if that were true, then the sky would be orange." Raven really thought she shouldn't have to explain _everything._

Don't ask.

Rose who was just a moment ago throwing Smarties up in the air and catching them with her mouth, walked over.

"Then why is the sky blue?"

It was Beans turn to talk.

"Because the ocean is blue."

Artemis decided it might be a good idea to join in.

"Really? I thought the ocean is blue because the sky is blue."

Just so you know, I have no idea if that's true or not, I'm just trying to make this interesting.

Eva stopped trying to blow up all the other teams stuff.

"Where did the color blue come from anyways?"

Before anyone had a chance to respond, the Chinese dude came over.

He did the weird bow thing, and then spoke.

"Good job with the game. Now, your next task is simple. Get to the highest tower on the Great wall and clime it to find your next clue as to where to go to."

He pointed to the Great wall, and it went up a steep hill to a tower with a dragon statue on it.

"Get there before the other team does, because if not you have to pay for your fight tickets, and it will take much longer."

And, lo and behold, the stupid Chinese dude (he really should have a name) told the Hogwarts students first about the task.

"How are they getting there?" asked Artemis hurriedly.

"On foot," replied Rain. "They should be pretty slow."

"But they're already half way there! Remus is going to beat you! Yay!"

The G. University people glared at Hannah.

"Oh, come on! I can't help it. You know I don't like those Hogwarts students, just Lupin, right?"

By that time, no one was listening to her. They were to busy trying to find a way to beat them.

Suddenly, by miracle of chance, Artemis looked over and saw a sign.

It was stapled to a tree.

It read:

**HELICOPTER TOURS OVER THE GREAT WALL**

**Ride a helicopter over the great wall**

**Children under 7 pay $50**

**8 and up pay 150**

(It read this in Chinese of course; Artemis spoke a lot of languages)

"Hey guys, I think I may have a plan…"

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The Hogwarts students were feeling very proud of themselves. They were finally ahead of those Gothic's.

They ran farther up the great wall. Almost there.

Suddenly, a helicopter hovered by. It was flying _extremely _low to the ground.

'Hmm…' thought Harry. It was almost as if it was heading toward the same place as we are.

The copter lowered it's self to the tip of the statue of the dragon.

Someone dressed entirely in black climbed out the door of it.

The Hogwarts students stopped dead.

The gothic grabbed a blue envelope that was caught inside the dragon's mouth.

As Neko climbed back into the plane, the helicopter pilot lowered the plane onto the great wall.

"Thanks for the ride!" Shouted Raven over the roar of the helicopter.

Draco marched up to Raven, his wand drawn.

"Listen you, I don't know how you keep this up, but you are going to lose."

Then Fell stepped forward.

"Raven, may I handle this situation?"

Raven nodded. She was going to enjoy this.

As did everyone else.

Fell grabbed Draco by the collar, and flung him off the great wall.

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Neko clapped. "Well that takes care of that. Now to be ever we need to go next."

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Holly, Root, Foaly, Hannah, And Rain were all sitting at a picnic table.

"So were are's we all gonna go to next?" Rain is a redneck; the bad grammar is on purpose.

"I don't know yet." Raven pulled out the envelope from her pocket and smiled.

Artemis starred at her.

"Where are we going?"

"London."

Silence.

"Isn't that were the queens palace is?" asked Bob.

"That depends, which queen?"

**PLANE TO LONDON**

The plane had just landed in the London Airport

(For those of you who don't know, London's in England, not Britain. I had trouble with that.)

"So… what's our first task in London?" Artemis didn't like London, for obvious reasons. Butler was nearly killed there!

Speaking of Butler…

All of a sudden, a 7 foot tall man walked into the first class area of the plane.

Artemis turned around.

"Okay, either you are following me, or you are constantly showing up in random parts of the world that I am going to."

Okay, I _know_ I could have done better on that sentence.

"Actually, Holly, Root, and Foaly recently invited me along."

"Butler, how recent could it have been if you were just in China?"

Butler looked guiltily at Artemis, and then sat down in an entirely empty row on the plane.

"So, what is your next task?" It was obvious Butler was determined to change the subject of spying on Artemis. Even if it _was_ to keep him safe.

"Well…" said Raven. "We have to make one of the guards at the queen's palace laugh."

_Figures_, thought Artemis.

"So… How are we going to do that?"

When the plane landed they all retrieved their luggage and ran to Buckingham Palace. (Hey, I don't know which palace is which. I'm not even entirely sure that there _is_ a palace in London.)

They saw to guards standing there, completely still. They only blinked now and then.

They were in red uniforms, with those black, weird fluffy hats on their heads.

They all looked at each other.

Raven spoke.

"Any ideas as to how to make them laugh?"

So over the next hour they all tried to make the guards laugh, all with no success.

Artemis was trying to think of witty jokes while Rose and Evil did a bunch of random skits. Raven and Fell eventual started to kick the poor guys.

"I know! Let's ask Butler how to do this!" exclaimed Bob.

Bob was trying to get the stuffed chicken to peck the guard a second ago.

Artemis turned to him.

"Uh, Bob, Butler isn't exactly the most humorous person in the world."

"I know! But he was trained to stay serious all his life, and yet _he _laughs once in a while."

Artemis looked at Raven. She just shrugged. They walked over to where Butler, Holly, Root, Foaly, Rain, and Hannah were sitting.

"How's it going?" asked Foaly.

"Any luck?" added Holly.

"No." They said it all at the exact time.

"Hey, Butler. You were trained all your life to act seriously, but you laugh sometimes? So, do you have any ideas as to how to make them laugh?" asked Evil.

_Is that an insult or just an odd way for asking for help? _Thought Butler.

Butler told them that he couldn't help them. They went back to the guards.

They tried for a little longer until Artemis lost it.

"Look you! I have been having a hard time here? So why can't you just forget your job as a security guard for just one minute? I just got accepted into a school were not everyone immediately hate's me. My teacher's a Gothic, as is everyone else in the school. We are trying to win this tournament against these stuck-up Brits; we came from Yankee Stadium all the way to China to here, and now all that stands in our way to the next clue is some robot without a clue as to what goes on around him! Ironic, isn't it?"

Suddenly, the guards face twitched into a smile. Them he started laughing. He fell to the ground laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe.

"**IT'S NOT FUNNY!" **screamed Artemis.

Everyone pulled him back as he tried to kill the guard.

"So," said Raven. "Can we have our clue now?"

He nodded, still laughing. He reached into his hat and handed Raven a blue Envelope.

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**Dracomalfoyus: **I like you. Sorry, but I kinda made Fell through you off the great wall.

**Ph33r the island ona: **Look, I'm sorry if I was rude before. And I'm sorry, but I like Artemis OOC now and then. He _sometimes _is smart in this fic. As for the Hogwarts thing, I don't know anymore as to what I'm talking about. I like Raven to be invincible, and I do know what the books say. We cool?

**Gus: **You have a very very very very very _very, _long review. I won't answer all your questions, but most of them. I'm trying to work on the spelling and grammar issue. As for the chicken flu, I can be clueless sometimes, so I got rid of that part of the fic and replaced it. I'll work on the tenses. Artemis is OOC. Thanks for reviewing. And just for future reference, don't _tell _the author when you have only read one chapter. Just a thought.

**REVIEW!**

_(Or else)_


	9. In London

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**Chapter 9**

**Disclaimer by Foaly: Rose, owns nothing. Alright? You here me? NOTHING! She will never own me, or Holly, or Julius Beetroot-**

**Commander Root: CIVILIAN!**

**Foaly: I gotta go now, bye!**

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**Some Other place in London**

"Why are they all called clues anyway? This seems pretty straight out in my opinion."

Holly and the other fairies had been talking to the Gothic's for a while now, and they insisted on constantly asking stupid questions.

There was a simple explanation for that too.

They were having a bet to see how many questions it would take for the humans to snap.

Roots bet: 1-20

Holly's bet: 21-60

Foaly's bet: 61-infinity

Root had so far already lost 50 bucks.

But he still had hope, if the humans didn't snap before Foaly gave up; he would get 150 dollars back.

Easy money as it is.

"Hey Rosie!" shouted Foaly. He really was quite good at this.

Rose turned to look at him.

"Yes?"

"How do you humans grow those mops on your heads that you call hair?"

'Hmm…' thought Holly. 'Throw a few insults in. He's making my end of the bet more probable.'

"Well, you see, there are these little tiny elves inside our heads that slowly knit out the hairs. It gets longer and longer until they run out of brown, red, blond, or black, so they start using grey, and then white, and eventually you run out of hair entirely."

The 3 little elves starred at her.

"That answers your question?"

They just slowly nodded and backed away.

Artemis smirked to himself. He knew about the bet.

'So… how do we plan on high jacking a Double Decker bus?"

Yep, that was their task all right. High jack a Double Decker bus in the area, and drive it to Big Ben. (The clock Tower)

This was Raven's kind of task!

They went over to a parking lot outside En Fin. Artemis looked at the place and shuddered.

Butler put a hand on his charges shoulder. Signaling, _it will be alright._

Suddenly, a double Decker pulled into the parking lot.

Raven smirked and said, "This will be too easy."

As people began to get off the bus to go into the restaurant, the Gothic's and company ran over to the bus.

"We don't want to make a big scene!" whispered Neko to Bean. Bean looked slightly disappointed as he lowered his sife. (How do you spell that? I couldn't find it in the dictionary)

Raven and Fell ran on, grabbed the driver by the collar (they seem to be doing that a lot lately) and chucked him out the window.

They ushered everyone else out of the bus, coming up with all sorts of reasons like: The bus is being fumigated! It's a bomb. (Evil Eva said that, she one time actually did that on a school bus.)

When everyone was off, Raven grabbed the wheel.

Artemis caught that mistake.

"Err… Raven? Maybe, maybe I should drive? Okay?"

Raven reluctantly gave him the wheel.

Not that that did them much good.

Artemis had never driven a car before, let alone a Double Decker Bus.

On the way to Big Ben, Artemis sped across London Bridge, on the wrong side of the road, crashed 6 cars, and ran it through a police line.

But he got them there, and that's all that matters.

At Big Ben, a cop was there to give them the next clue.

Thank God, he didn't see them drive there!

He gave them the clue to the next place when out of no where, came a triple Decker Bus.

"Oh. My. God. Was it really necessary to high jack the _Night Bus?_" asked Rain.

Hermione was the first one off the bus.

"We made!" she cried. "See? We caught up with you!"

Chelsea and Rachel, followed by everyone else, got off the bus looking as if they were about to throw up.

"Ha ha!" Laughed Rachel and Chelsea.

Hannah, Evil, and Rose crossed their arms and glared. They had _bad _experiences from those 2.

Draco was still on the bus he was in a coma. They were in such a hurry; they didn't bother dropping him off at the hospital.

Lupin spoke.

"We're here! Can we have the clue now?"

"No fair!" shouted Artemis.

Everyone looked at him.

"It clearly said we had to high jack a _Double _Decker bus! That's a Triple Decker!"

The Goths smirked at them.

The cop shrugged.

"He has a point."

"But- but- that's not fair!" cried an enraged Hermione.

"Actually… yes it is."

And then they al started fighting and shouting at each other, saying what they thought was fair, and what wasn't fair.

Some where during the middle of it all, Hannah said:

"Bite me."

They all looked at her.

"_What?_"

"Bite me. I want to be a werewolf."

Awkward silence.

Then the cop stepped in.

"Listen, you didn't do what the card said. Go back to the other side of London and try again."

Everyone was about to protest when the Gothic's drew their weapons.

Then the Hogwarts people went back to the other side of London.

"So where to next?"

Raven opened the envelope.

Then she said in a weird accent-

"You ready to go down unde?"

Guess where they're going?

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Thank you loyal reviewers!

**Dracomalfoyus: **You were the only one that reviewed. I am forever in your dept. Or at least until someone else reviews. So, I'll take your advice on this one if you will answer, do you _want _to be eliminated? Because if you do, whatever you want is fine with me.


	10. Sydney Australia

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**Disclaimer By Foaly:** Guess what? Rose is letting me once again do the disclaimer. She owns _nothing._ Nothing I tell you! NOTHING!

Rose: Insecure?

Root: Ya think?

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"So we're going to Australia?" asked Artemis. He really had no idea as to what they could do there.

"Yep," said Raven.

They were boarding a plane to Sydney Australia. Artemis had finally talked Butler into leaving.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive?"

"But what if the plane explodes a thousand feet up in the air?"

"I'll take my chances."

So Butler went back to Fowl Manor.

They got off the plane after 21 hours of listening to Hannah, Rose, and Evil saying:

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Keep dreaming."

When they had finally landed, they found the airport was right next to the beach, where the Great Barrier Reef was located.

Raven looked through the envelope.

"Okay… so we have to get to an off city area of Australia to…"

She paused.

"Am I reading this right?"

She handed it to Artemis. His eyes widened.

"One of us has to wrestle a _live _kangaroo?"

"Oh, so _that's _what it said?" asked Raven taking it back to look at it again.

"Why?" asked Artemis. "What did you think it said?"

"Something about clams. Anyways, we have to get started. I want to be done this before those stuck-up-Brits are."

**The Sandy Desert**

**Australia**

"So who will wrestle the kangaroo?"

"I know!" shouted Bob.

Everyone groaned.

"We could each play 1 on 1 capture the chicken, and loser-"

"How about we just draw straws?" asked Bean.

They shrugged.

Holly (yes, they never left) passed out straws to everyone.

"Okay mud-whelps, whoever has the shortest straw, will receive the honor of wrestling a kangaroo."

Artemis looked down at the one and a half inch tiny straw in his hand.

Figures.

Root, Holly and Foaly burst out laughing.

Foaly pulled out his hi-tech video camera.

"The rest of the LEP are going to want to see this!"

Artemis glared at the camera. Why couldn't someone like _Juliet _do this? She'd be delighted! But noooooooooooooo. Artemis just _had _to be the one to do this.

"Okay, so let's go find a kangaroo!" shouted Rose.

They looked through the sand and plateaus, until they found a big kangaroo hopping around in the shade, with an Australian filming it a few yards away.

Raven tapped him on the shoulder.

"G' day mates!" he said looking at the Gothic's and fairies. "What can I do fore ya?" (It's spelled like that on purpose, they have weird ascents.

"Well, are friend here has to fight a kangaroo to the ground," she gestured at Artemis. "So since we can't find any others, we need him to wrestle that one your filming."

He starred at them confused, and then he smiled.

"Why shore, Sheila! Would you mind if I got it on tape though, and send it to Australia's funniest home videos?"

"Why not?"

Artemis groaned and put his head in his hands.

It was getting on dusk, and Artemis stood in front of the kangaroo.

This was humiliating!

"Come on Artemis! You can do it!" shouted Holly. She had of course rigged the straws.

Artemis swung his arm to punch the kangaroo,

The kangaroo dodged its head, and kicked Artemis against a tree.

Artemis got up as quick as he could, then ran towards it.

Holly Root and Foaly watched from the sidelines laughing.

Foaly was still filming.

"You know what? I'm glad I came."

They all laughed even harder as Artemis did an army roll to avoid another kick.

"This is way better than re-runs of cartoons on TV!"

But suddenly, they stopped laughing and gasped as Artemis did a spin kick in the stomach of the kangaroo.

The kangaroo fell to the ground.

Artemis rubbed some of the sweat off his forehead with his right hand.

He had won the match.

He kneeled down on the ground to where the kangaroo was.

"No hard feeling's right?"

They set up a few tents for them to sleep in that night.

It was a beautiful full moon out.

Fell looked around.

"Say, where's Hannah?"

They all looked at each other.

"Uh oh."

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Over at some other part of Australia, Hannah had watched the Hogwarts students set up there tents before dark, and followed Lupin as he walked away from the camp so he could transform into a werewolf without hurting anyone.

It was one minute before he would transform, and he heard a rustling in the bushes.

"Who's there?"

Hannah jumped out of the bushes.

"Hi Remus!" she said waving.

Lupin looked down at the ground.

"You really are an idiot aren't you?"

Everyone else went back to the Sydney airport to get there next clue.

They found yet another Australian mate who gave them their next envelope, but not before laughing his head off at the great footage they got of Arty fighting a kangaroo.

Raven was about to open it when Rain said,

"Shouldn't we get Hannah first?"

"Ungh… fine, to the other side of Australia."

When they arrived at the other team's camp, Hannah came running up to them showing them a big bight on her arm.

"I got bitten! I'm a werewolf now!"

"That's… great Hannah. But now, we have to get to the next destination."

"What? Oh, alright… Say, where's Fell?"

They looked around, and then….

**KABOOOOM!**

There was a huge explosion right where a wounded Draco Malfoy once laid a few seconds ago.

Then Fell came up.

"Well that takes care of that. Where to next?"

Raven opened the envelope.

"Hey! It's actually a clue this time!"

"_This is the one_

_Who makes all criminals fear_

_Still after generations_

_Worse than all those here_

_Steals from others_

_But left us once_

_Taken hostage_

_Ireland's best_

_Russia's worst_

_Who is he?_

"Well that was obvious," said Raven.

"So that means…" asked Artemis dreading the answer.

"Yep, your dad. Fowl Manor. Ireland."

"Oh no."

I know. I know. Stupid riddle, right? Well, I blew Draco up, and got Hannah bitten by a werewolf. That's nice. I noticed it wasn't that funny either. It'll get better the next chapter.

**Fell Dragon: Hannah was bitten, you happy?**

**Dracomalfoyus: I blew you up. Be happy. Glad you like the fic.**

**Faith: Oh cool. I get it. You know there's going to be about a thousand sequels, right?**

**CoffeeAndCherryBrandy: I chose the name Raven because a Raven is a type of bird that is entirely black, and is very smart and likes to steal things. Thank you for reviewing.**


	11. Ireland

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**Chapter #... um, I lost count.**

**Disclaimer by Foaly: **I'm doing the disclaimer. AGAIN! Why do I have to do it?

Rose: Because you're classy and entertaining.

Foaly: Really?

Rose: You don't have a prayer.

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**On some random plane to Ireland**

Raven had already called and had a limo with a giant cage to put Hannah in.

But that wasn't important because-

"I didn't tell my parent's I was going to this particular university," said Artemis banging his head against the tray table in front of him.

Rose starred at him.

"So what exactly _did _you tell him?"

"I said I was going to a boarding school university in New York. No questions asked."

Rose had a plan.

"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. When we land, we put Hannah in her cage, along with a ton of steak, blood pops, a bean bag chair, and a grill to cook the meat on. We put the cage on top of the limo-"

"Excuse me, but how does this help my problem?"

"Your problem? 4 letter plant. **L-M-N-Tree.** We put a hood over you so your dad can't see your face, and when he asks what the Hell is wrong with you, we'll just say you're extremely sensitive to light. This _is _the Gothic school."

Artemis sighed and looked out the window. This wasn't going to end well.

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**Meanwhile,**

**Fowl Manor**

**Dublin Ireland**

Butler sat in the Manors lounge along with Mr. and Mrs. Fowl.

Juliet was wrestling some where in America, and Butler had nothing to do really.

So he just sat there minding his own business, reading a nice book.

Suddenly, Artemis Sr. spoke.

"We are going to be having company extremely early tomorrow," he said.

"Oh?" said Butler. "Relatives, I presume?"

Mr. Fowl shook his head and smiled.

"No. Have you ever heard of the World Destruction Tour?"

Butler paled.

"Well, there are these advanced schools that compete in a tournament, all across the world. They have to face challenges and figure out clues. So, because Fowl Manor is a very famous place, they have to get here and I'll give them the next clue as to where to go. It's very interesting indeed."

'_Oh, _thought Butler. _'It will be.'_

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When the plane landed, they found the car they had rented in the parking lot.

Artemis took one look at the car and smacked himself (hard) in the head.

It was a limo alright, but not the kind he wanted.

It was a stretch SUV Limo 2 cages on top. A bronze cage and a titanium cage filled with Hannah's new stuff in them.

They drove to Fowl Manor with Hannah riding in the bronze cage on top.

They arrived at 2 in the morning, and were surprised to find that Mr. and Mrs. Fowl were up, awake, and waiting for them by the gate, along with a very nervous looking Butler.

They opened the gate to let the odd limo in.

As they began to hop out of the car, Artemis11 pulled up the black hood of his jacket over his head so his parent's wouldn't recognize him.

But, of course, as Artemis is getting out of the car he trips on his baggy pants and falls flat on his face.

As Artemis Sr. helps him up, Artemis Jr's hood fell off to reveal his face.

His father gasped.

"Arty?"

"Hi father."

_Look at the ground, nod at whatever he says's, and look sorry for yourself, _he thought.

"This is the school you go to? Gothic University?"

"Okay, I'm confused, is it Academy, or University?" asked Evil.

They ignored her.

"Well… I said I was going to a boarding school in New York. I didn't lie."

"Well, that's true well, let's go inside. We've been waiting on you for hours."

Artemis smiled.

"Oh, and Arty? You're grounded."

"Aw man!"

They all went inside, and Angeline showed them their rooms.

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**Fell Dragon: **You are aware that you just told everyone who reads this fic who you are, right?

**Dracomalfoyus:** I'm glad you're happy.

**Identitycrisis:** My favorite reviewer! Come back! Please!


	12. Ireland 2

**The Chronicles of Ravy and Arty**

**Chapter: I forget**

**Disclaimer by Foalina: **THAT'S FOALONIOUS! I MEAN FOALY!

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**Fowl Manor**

**Dublin Ireland**

**9:15 am**

They were all sitting down in the dining room, eating breakfast.

Raven came out of the kitchen with a plate full of hot pockets.

She set it down on the table, to listen to Rose and Foaly arguing.

And for those who bothered to read the disclaimer, you can guess why.

"MY NAME IS FOALY!"

"Well of course it is. Why?"

"You. Called. Me. FOALONIOUS!"

"Your point?"

"You suck!"

"Shut up and do the disclaimer."

"Okay, fine! Rosie-"

"Don't call me that."

"Rosa-"

"SHUT UP!"

"'Ring around the Rosie! Pocket's full of posies! Ashes! Ashes!'"

"Go to Hell!"

"'We all fall down!'"

Suddenly, everyone heard the doorbell ring.

They got up and went out side to find the Hogwarts students had arrived.

"Hello," greeted Mr. Fowl. "You must be the Hogwarts students."

"Correct," said Blaise.

"Uh…" Mr. Fowl starred at the cages. "Is their any particular reason you each put one of your teammates in cages?"

"Um."

"Uh…"

"Well you see…"

All the students looked to each other.

"They uh, they uh…"

"Have this disease!"

"It's really rare!"

"It's er… newly developed-"

"-And it makes you go crazy… and kill people…"

"And after a while it makes you turn pink!" shouted Foaly.

"It was developed by flamingos!"

"So we keep them in cages," finished Holly. If the Gothic's blew their, we-are-normal-humans cover, she'd lose 50 bucks each to Root and Foaly.

"Remind me to kill Root and Foaly later for the pink comment," Raven muttered under her breath to Artemis. "They're betting against us."

Later on at Fowl Manor, the sun was slowly beginning to set, and the Hogwarts students had set up tents behind the Manor.

"So how long do I have to stay in this cage?" Remus asked his students while the Goths watched.

"Until tomorrow morning."

"But it's silver!"

Bean looked at Fell.

"I was wondering why his shoes were steaming."

Fell walked up to the HG students & teacher-in-cage.

"Hey, where did you get the cages any way?"

"Well, first we bought that bronze one over there," Harry pointed to the bronze one in the field.

"Ok."

"And then," said Rachael. "Then, we bought that titanium one over there because it looked stronger than the bronze."

She pointed to the other one.

"And then….."

**Flash Back**

_They were driving to Dublin, when they saw a sign that read:_

**YARD SALE**

_They parked in the drive way, and started looking through the stuff when they came across a silver cage._

_They bought it,_

"Because you can never have enough cages, right?"

_And as they were leaving they asked another bargain hunter-_

"_Excuse me, but who owns this yard sale?"_

"_Dolores Umbridge" they said._

**End of Flash Back**

"So, that's how we came across this cage," finished Rachael.

"OHHHH!"

It was a few minutes before dark and Raven asked Bob to move Hannah and Remus to the titanium cages.

"Because bronze is weak, a werewolf could tear through those bars no-problem. Got it?"

"Yes."

"You sure?"

"Of course."

"Good."

So Bob went outside with the keys to the cages locks and came back inside a minute later.

When the full moon rose (Hey, wasn't their a full moon 2 nights ago?), and the Gothic's started (and the stupid Brits) began to here howling, _and _it was getting closer.

Raven lowered her issue of the _Gothic's Monthly _magazine to stare at Bob disbelievingly.

"You DID put them both in titanium cages, _right?"_

Bob starred at her.

"The titanium cages?"

"Yeeeeeeeessss."

"Ooooooooooohhhh, the TITANIUM cages."

Raven whacked Bob over the head with her magazine.

"Okay, so what do we do now?"

Fell stared out the window to where the cages were.

"We could ask Hannah to chase Remus back into a titanium cage. That would scare him. And by the looks of it, Hannah is yet to leave her cage."

"Okay," said Neko. "Who's going to do that?"

_Not me, not me, _thought Artemis.

"How about Fell?"

Fell groaned.

Artemis gave a sigh of relief.

"And Artemis as well."

"Oh, come on!" cried Artemis.

Me, it's always, me.

So, Arty and Fell went outside.

Artemis was mortified to see the bronze cage mangled and the bars ripped.

They went over to Hannah's cage, to find the werewolf form of Hannah ripping up her bean bag chair.

Hannah stopped to look at them.

"Uh… Hiya Hannah?" said Artemis.

Hannah growled.

Artemis hid behind Fell.

"Hey, Hannah, could you please try to get Remus back into the titanium cage.

Hannah growled again.

Then Artemis and Fell were on their hands and knees.

"Please!"

Hannah shook her head roughly.

"You get to chase Remus!" cried Artemis in mid prayer.

Hannah's ears perked up.

Suddenly Remus (as a werewolf) came bolting toward them.

Hannah jumped up and began chasing Remus around.

Remus immediately retreated.

Arty and Fell ran inside and locked the door.

Raven looked up again from her magazine.

"How'd it go?"

Before they could answer, Mr. Fowl strode into the room.

"I have good news!"

Everyone looked up.

"Since you made it here first, you get to here where to go to next, and I'd leave tonight if I were you."

They starred at him.

"You have to go to Egypt."

**Identitycrisis: **Uh… sorry. But I don't watch survivor. It's alright. Your still my best reviewer. And guess what I did yesterday? I read the wish list! So NOW, I'll read your story. By the way, did you read the review from my dear friend Evil Eva?

**Dracomalfoyus:** Okay, you're happy, so I'm happy.

**Fell Dragon: **Hope you like this chapter.


	13. Egyptians and Polo Ponies

ctio

**The Chronicles of Ravy and Arty**

Disclaimer by Foaly: Hello everyone. Erm…. Because of last chapters… _inconvenience, _I have been fired, from my duties as the disclaimer, this will be my last time…. Oh c'mon Rose! I didn't mean what I said!

Rose: So what do you think people? Let the polo pony keep his job? Or give his job to Chix Verbil? The desition is YOURS!

Foaly: Let me stay!

**Chapter 12: Egypt**

**On the way**

"So, how should we get there? By riding…. Polo Ponies?"

For those of you who don't know, Evil has an obsession with horses.

And today, her subject was polo ponies.

They were in the Egyptian dessert, right next to the Nile.

"EVA!" Artemis had been suffering this for a while. "WE ARE ALMOST THERE!"

"Well, can we go the rest of the way by riding….. Polo Ponies?"

They all groaned. Funny, the rest of the way was only 30 minutes, but it felt like days.

They had to get inside King Khafer's tomb, to find out where to go next.

When they got their, they found this kings tomb was one of the 3 great pyramids of Giza.

"So, this is great. Here we are at King Khafer's tomb, a pyramid, one of the wonders of the world," said Fell. "Now how the Hell do we get in?"

They turned to Raven.

"Uh……………"

Artemis smacked his head. They had to get in.

"I have an idea!" cried Evil excitedly.

"Does it involve polo ponies?" asked Artemis.

"Yes!"

Artemis looked at them.

"We'll _never _get in."

"Well in movies," said Foaly. "You usually can find a secret passage to get in by feeling for a lever or a button around the sides."

"That's a possibility, but if this doesn't work, we're going with the polo ponies."

So they started too searched around the pyramid.

Artemis was searching next to Rain. They were patting the walls in hopes to find a way in.

"Wow, these pyramids are almost as pig as that turkey my daddy shot for Thanksgiven' dinner."

Artemis pressed harder on a brick in the wall and it started to go inwards.

"Wow," he exclaimed.

"I know. We fried that turkey like a potato on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August."

"Not that! Look!"

He pressed a little harder on the spot and then-

A hole collapsed into the tomb and Artemis fell in about 16 feet onto a hard solid stone floor.

"Hey! Look's like you found a way in."

"No crap."

They all dropped inside the tomb rather painfully.

It was even harder on Foaly who landed on his back 

"How do you people walk on only 2 legs!"

Then Root dropped on top on him knocking him over again.

They could see by the small amount of sunlight coming from the hole in the ceiling, that there was a long row of unlit torches.

Raven grabbed one off the wall and lit it with a lighter.

"Okay, no where to go but down the hall."

So went down the halls with the eerie shadows of themselves from the torches were cast along the walls.

After about an hour of walking, they came to a large room.

King Khafer's coffin was in the dead center of the room with a hole in the ceiling shining light on it. The head of coffin was facing towards the end of the room, and there stood a statue of the king with a 4 foot tall base in front of it.

And on the base was-

"The next clue!"

They all ran around the coffin to the envelope lying on the base.

Raven was about to grab it when Foaly whacked her hand away.

"Hey what was that for?"

"Hellooo! Have you ever seen Indiana Jones?"

"Which one?"

"Ugh… when you're in the temple, if you move the thing you are trying to get, a bunch of booby traps go off!"

"Your point?" asked Hannah.

She grabbed the envelope.

Suddenly the ground began to ruble, and the walls started closing in.

Artemis patted Hannah on the head.

"Way to go wolfy."

"What did I do?"

"QUICK!" shouted Raven.

She stepped on top of the coffin and jumped to grab hold on the edge of the hole in the ceiling from where the light was coming from.

She pulled her self up and then started helping everyone up.

The last person up was Artemis, and he was lucky, he was a foot away from becoming the human pan cake.

"Is everyone okay?" asked Raven.

As soon as they all nodded Raven hit Foaly over the head.

"**Ouch!** What in Fronds name was that for?"

"You jinxed us!" and with that she whacked him again.

"So what do we do now? And where's that light coming from?"

They were in yet another hallway, and the light was coming from a stair way going up to their left.

"Well, I guess we should just…. 'Follow the light,'" said Artemis.

Rose sighed. "I guess we don't have much of a choice."

As they were walking, Evil came up with a game.

"Okay, I'm thinking of an animal."

"Does it have anything to do with…?" Artemis paused. "Polo ponies?"

"Gasp! Amazing!"

"Okay, since I guessed right, I'm thinking of a way to shut you up."

"By… stuffing her in that coffin?" suggested Fell.

"Close?"

"Knocking her out?"

"Not quite."

"Threatening to beat me into oblivion!" exclaimed Evil.

"Correct."

When they finally reached the top of the stairs they all pushed at the ceiling and it slid off the top of the pyramid.

It was night time now, and there was a full moon directly above them.

They all climbed out and slid smoothly down the side of the pyramid.

"What does the next clue say Hannah?"

Hannah opened the clue and read:

"**GO TO THE SPHINX, THEIR LIES IN IT"S MOUTH THE CLUE TO THE NEXT AND LAST DESTINATION."**

Authors Note: Well there you have it! Sorry I haven't been updating, school just started. And thank you all my reviewers!

**Dracomalfoyus: **You are a great reviewer and everything… but you're kind of mental.

**Identitycrisis: **You wrote back! Yay! I'm sorry I didn't update! I feel so ashamed! And yeah, Artemis can still go to Egypt if he's grounded. P.S, Like your story!

**KTezla: **Yay! I have a new reviewer! Sweet! Oh, you could tell me the name of your story and what section it's in, and I could try to find it. I like to read my reviewers stories.

**Ph33r the island ona**: Okay, I am really getting tired of your reviews. I didn't _want _to put them in silver cages the entire time, and it's the **WORLD** destruction tour, meaning, all over the world, and **DESTRUCTION** because it sounds better. So, make the reviews a little more happy, like using a little constructive criticism, or don't review.


	14. Sphinx

**THE CRONICLES OF RAVY AND ARTY**

**2nd TO LAST CHAPTER! THEN A SEQUEL**

**Sphinx**

Disclaimer by Chix Verbil: I took Foaly's job! For all the ladies out there, _Hey._ (Flashes creepy eyes thing)

Foaly: He didn't even do it right.

**Sphinx in Egypt**

"My chicken has a first name; it's C-H-I-C-K-E-N,

My chicken has a second name it's- Hmmm" Bob paused.

"CHICKEN!"

"Words of wisdom: People say I have ADD, they just don't understand… Hey look! A chicken!" said Rose.

"You JUST noticed that?" said Artemis.

"Well… yeah.

When they arrived at the sphinx (which only took about 6 minutes) they all stopped to look up at it.

Artemis was the first to speak.

"I think it would help if its mouth was open."

Everyone gave him a confused look.

"What?"

"Nothing," said Fell. "It's just… we figured you would of figured that out BEFORE we got her."

"Well… it didn't actually occur to me that it wouldn't be."

"Are you kidding?" asked Bean.

"Every moron on earth knows that the sphinx's mouth is _closed."_

"Well I didn't think of it until know so sooooooooorrrray!"

"Hey! No need to get critical! Let's just climb up to the top of the sphinx to find the opening, grab the clue and run around like lunatics!" said Evil.

Everyone stared at her.

"What? Aren't _I _allowed to voice an opinion?"

Silence.

Let's just go with that idea because we have nothing better to do." Said Arty.

They all shrugged and started climbing.

When they all got to the top, Artemis stepped on the nose of the sphinx and the mouth opened.

"Hey look! The sky is blue!" cried Bob.

"I thought we already established that," said Neko.

"OK, so this sphinx has been here for how long, and no one's noticed that?" asked Artemis.

"Dunno," said Raven reaching inside to pull out the envelope within.

"Well, that was easy. Why not just tell us where to go next? That only took up…" Raven looked at her watch. "9 and a half minutes of our time?"

"Next time let's just beat Dumbledore into oblivion for the answers, agreed?" asked Fell.

"AGREED!" said everyone at this point just wanting to get this thing over with.

They all climbed down the sculpture, and the moment they all touched the bottom-

It collapsed.

"Whoops," they all said in union.

Rose just waved it away and said, "Don't worry about. They can always build a new one. The nose was missing."

Once you figure out with what's wrong with that statement, it won't matter anymore.

Artemis at last shrugged. "I guess that's why it's called the world destruction tour."

"Not a problem!"

"Okay Raven, what is our final destination?" asked Artemis.

They all looked at her. It was the moment of truth.

'She slowly, _slowly,_ extremely slowly, very very slowly, slower than a turtle inching its way across the street on its back slowly, Stop Time slowly-'

"Rose, it's open already."

"Oh."

"It reads… Drum role please!"

"Our final destination is- The Ministry of Magic?"

Sorry if any of you people don't like Harry Potter, this might get confusing.

**Ministry of Magic**

**6:08 pm**

"Last destination?" Artemis asked Raven.

"Yep"

"And if we win?"

"We prove that we are the best school there is."

"And if we lose?"

"We beat those Brits into a bloody pulp."

"Gotcha"

They were almost at the fountain which was now repaired indefinitely.

A movement in the shadows.

"The Hogwarts losers!" Shouted Rain, then she looked over at Hannah. "And Remus Lupin!"

Hannah gave her the thumbs up.

They looked at the fountain. Dumbledore, and the ministry 'o magic was there.

They did a matrix style run over to the fountain.

The HG students fired curses in the Gothic's path, all of which they managed to dodge.

And as Artemis was running, it all happened to fast for him to think, he grabbed the face he was running past and through it, through it as hard as he could, at Harry.

Harry dodged it but tripped and fell head first into the fountain.

The confusion helped the Gothic's; they made it to the people first.

They all cheered. It was the happiest day of Arty's life.

Well… almost.

"WE WON!" He shouted along with the others.

Raven pointed at the horrified students.

"Suckers!"

The current Ministry of Magic Scrimager crudely handed them a trophy with a golden globe with a scull and crossbones on it.

Artemis walked up behind the people and said:

"You know, I think the best school truly won, didn't it?"

They stared at him.

"But I don't think every thing is the way it should be left off, don't you?"

And with that, he shoved them all into the fountain.

The Gothic's laughed so hard. They couldn't wait for camp…

So that was the first in a very long series, wanna know what they mean by camp?

Summary for next story:

Artemis has been going to Gothic University for a while now… 2 weeks. Now he's going to… Farm Camp! With a few Gothic's of course. You know what that means… Horse back riding, mucking out stalls, visits from Foaly, Holly, Root and Opal, cow milking, Chicken feeding, rope swinging hysteria! REVIEW TO ASK WHO YOU WANT AT FARM CAMP.

**p.s, I lied about the second to last chapter thing.**


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